The Boston Free Speech Rally was a total dud.

boston free speech rally

The Boston free speech rally was a total dud. As a former Boston resident, I predicted exactly what happened.

First, nothing in Boston lives up to the hype. Every massive snow storm forecasted by meteorologists fizzles out. Every time they trumpet traffic Armageddon because of an event such as the Tall Ships or the DNC, you end up breezing downtown to plentiful parking spots. Every spring training that they say this is the year the Red Sox will win it all, why, that’s the year the Yankees take the American League.

So when mayor Marty Walsh prepared for massive unrest because of hordes of violent white supremacists, I knew to bet against the hype.

Sure enough, there were zero white supremacists. None. They can crunch the numbers at MIT. The number of racist white supremacists adds up to zero.

Instead, there were hordes of counter-protesters all thinking of themselves as bold anti-racist warriors. And they looked as pathetic as a toddler in pajamas fighting a boogeyman under the bed with a flashlight.

You gotta understand that Boston is hokey. It’s the littlest big city. Everyone there is an over educated, off-the-charts nerd. I call them hyper-rational. That’s to say they’re totally gullible.

So you have the media galloping through Boston shouting, “The racists are coming, the racists are coming!”

And all these chicks thought back to college when their sociology professor Ms. Rubenfieldstien warned them about white supremacists in the south. You know, the south? It’s everywhere outside of New York and New England.

With images of the Charlottesville Unite the Right rally fresh in their minds, they slam down their soy latte and say, “No, racists. Not in my city.”

Then they became the heroes in the African-American themed novels they had to read again and again in school. Seriously, how many times do you have to read Their Eyes Were Watching God before you get a bachelors’ degree?

Boston is their chance, their shining moment, to relive the civil rights protests of hippies idolized in pop history.

Thousands of counter protestors drove all the way into Boston from the Cape, the Berkshires, and the White Mountains. (Wow. What a waste of a perfectly good Saturday.) They marched to the common from the black part of town, glorying in the thought of Martin Luther King taking the same route.

As they approached the Common, they gulped and got ready for the hellish fury of racists.

Amassed against the barricades erected by the Boston Police, they looked out on the middle of Common. There, a gazebo sat like a lonely island in a sea of grass. A dozen or so speakers stood in that gazebo looking out to the crowds that felt miles away.

These conservatives addressed the crowd. Their first words? A ringing condemnation of racism.

Whoops. I guess you can’t fight racists if there are no racists. Except reality never stops the delusions of a liberal.

The scene that played out next,  I could best liken to a group of kids playing make-believe. But one group is playing war while the others are playing zoo. Let me explain.

Muppet Baby Antifa

Remember when you were a kid and you played make believe? There were set make believe tropes.  There was war, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, zoo, and doctor. So you’d be like hey let’s play war, and all the kids there would know exactly what to do. Or the creepy kid would shut the door and be like hey, let’s play doctor.

Well anyways, imagine for a second a room full of little kids. Let’s say there’s 12 of them. Ten of them are like, “Let’s play war. Pew! Pew! Pew!”

But one of them is like “Let’s play zoo. I’m a lion. Roar!”

And his buddy is like, “Yea, I’m a llama…” and he stops to think what sound a llama makes.

But the ten kids playing war are like “Kill the bad guys, pew pew pew!”

And they make finger guns at the two kids playing zoo. But those two kids just crawl around the living room on all fours, one roaring, the other bleating because he’s not sure what noise a llama makes.

The ten other kids are like “Oh, no. Here comes the bad guys! Throw bombs!”

And they lob imaginary bombs making explosion sounds. Ten kids, vocally simulating the sounds of war while two make the noises of a zoo.

The kid who’s a lion gets fed up. He yells “Guys, guys, guys, stop! We’re not playing war. We’re playing zoo. I’m a lion!”

The ten other kids just play war harder. One of them pretends to get hit. “Ahh! He shot me with his laser eyes! Laser eyes, everyone, hide behind the couch. The bad guy’s a robot!”

The kids keep shooting him so he pretends to be a lion even harder. You know like roaring and stuff. But the kids pretending to play war just keep going pew pew pew. The kid who was the llama gets bored so he watches the Bagel Bites warm in the oven. 

Ok. Story over.

That’s what Boston was like, kids playing different pretend games concurrently. All these liberals are playing this imaginary game where they are fighting hate-filled racist bigots. But the conservative speakers played this pretend game that if they play by the rules and make a well crafted, rational argument then not only the crowd, but the American public and the media will change their opinions about the right.

Haha. Didn’t happen.

The love-trumps-hate liberals were there to fight racists. And when they couldn’t find them, they attacked the cops who were there to protect them from those evil white supremacists. Like I said, the whole event was a dud. No minds were changed. On top of all that, there were no good fights! Who’s kidding who? Everyone wanted carnage. I guess we’ll have to wait for the Bruins to take the ice to see a good fight in Boston.

Author: Jim Kinkade

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